the Swami
agreed to meet with twenty representatives on a Sunday in
December.No. 15 January 13, 1997
L.I.V.E. DX
(Low Impact, Vegetarian, Environmentally Safe DX)
As LIVE goes to press this month, we find the entire world poised at their push-to-talk, prepared to pounce at the first "peep" from Heard Island. The Adventurers were supposed to be there yesterday, but ooh, la, la, those French! A maritime strike kept them on Reunion Island (a French Province) for an additional day. (This problem was miniscule compared to the Filet du Sole riots in Cannes the same day. Outraged Gourmands basted the local Restaurateurs with frozen cod.) Any opportunity to work Heard should be pursued, it’s extremely rare. They’re going to be on for two weeks, so it will be possible to slide in after the DX hogs have sated their truffle-hungry appetites.
Shel, the propagation maven, reports that Heard Island might be quite difficult for the West Coast on the low bands. It lies almost exactly on the antipode where long path meets short path. Usually we have the long path advantage.
You don’t think the DXCC desk at the ARRL takes these rare ones at face value, do you? Non, mon ami! They require proof: licenses, hotel bills, jail records, penguin droppings, rocks and empty Vichy Water bottles. The good news is that the 7O, Yemen, operation’s papers are in order, and it will most likely count for DXCC.
Hope you worked the XF4, Revilla Gigedo group, an easy shot from here and a good start toward seven-band DXCC. ZS8IR, on Marion Island has been prowling the low bands with some regularity. This South African path is quite favorable for us "Gauche Coasters". We’re lucky to have a skillful, energetic operator on Marion - for the moment. There has also been activity from Jan Mayen, JX7, but difficult to work.
As a public service, LIVE brings you the "DX Oracle." This project attempts to solve many puzzles. Though several questions may be too esoteric for the neophyte DX-er, one gets an overview of the burning issues and strong desires that affect us all.
The DX Oracle
Through the auspices of the Don Miller Foundation, prominent DX’ers traveled to Oshkosh, Wisconsin for a "one-on-one" with Swami Devananda Devananda Parmahansavishnu.
Known for his highly accurate
predictions and featured on The Psychic Network, the Swami
agreed to meet with twenty representatives on a Sunday in
December.
The group set out in the midst of the most violent snowstorm Wisconsin had ever experienced, assured by the Swami that the weather would be tolerable upon their arrival.
At the orange and purple ashram Devananda calls his "world-wide headquarters" the sun broke through the black clouds and sprayed rays of warmth on the travelers.
Arranged in a semicircle around a golden throne, the information-hungry hams fell into a hushed, respectful silence as Devananda approached. He wore a linen, flouncy robe, a tightly-wound turban. His piercing blue eyes awninged by bushy brows. Devananda simply pointed into the group, selecting without any visible clue, the DX’er with the next question:
Question: Memsahib, we have all been wondering when the downward plunge of the solar flux will end, and the next cycle will begin?
Answer: "It is time for Mr. Sun to begin a new life. He must cast off the old and merge with the new."
Q: Will this happen soon?
A: "Yes."
Q: When will North Korea come on the air?
A: "The wolf lies in wait to devour the hounds. Now, the peaks are rich with snow and ice. In the spring, fresh water will run and debris shall be swept away. Then look to the North."
Q: What will be the next deleted country?
A: "Where no women walk, a dour Monk in black will no longer send his goat to the poppy fields beyond the stone gates."
Q: Will the small Himalayan land called Mustang be a new DXCC country?
A: "There will be a great revel in which white toothed barristers from the new world will bring sweetmeats and myrrh, and the land shall be known as 'HalloMar' or 'WaloMart', and shall be a land unto outlets of factory, much like the beloved Branson, where millions gather to hear the god, Wayne Newton."
Q: What has happened to Romeo?
A: "I feel his presence at the balcony of commerce, or, perhaps, that isn’t him at all. He may be in Pittsburgh."
Q: What is the future of DX?
A: "The years shall be ten times ten, then twenty years famine."
Q: Famine? What do you mean?
A: "I feel vanity shall run dry. He who has no name has no fruit to soothe his mind."
Q: Can you predict the winner of this year’s CQ world-wide DX contest?
A: "Forgive me. I am not schooled in the mysteries of wireless, I can only describe what I see."
Q: Please, tell us.
A: "I see a man in a black suit with a strange hat… no, perhaps that is his hair. He walks with a woman of platinum hair and she says the words: ‘See Quwe’."
Q: When will Icom come out with a decent HF radio?
A: "There are many persons under a great spire where fish are thrown. They are praising a box with a small television unit upon it. They are throwing quantities of money into the ocean, and a woman is taking their pictures."
Q: Can you tell us any more about the box?
A: "It is filled with bottles of glass and it has a large dial upon the front as is seen on a washing machine."
Q: What is the future of CW?
A: "I know not that word, but I am experiencing a vision: I see a world where no one speaks, instead, they converse with rapid movements of their eyelids."
Q: Are you saying that eventually, all civilization will communicate using Morse Code?
A: "Yes, perhaps. Or there may be a world-wide epidemic of hay fever. That may also be the case."
Q: Will the next International DX Convention be in Visalia or Fresno?
A: "I see a bearded man. He is standing near a silo filled with raisins. He is pointing South, and minions in recreational vehicles are slowly merging in that direction." (Wiping his brow with the tail of his turban.) "Babaganoosh! This is a powerful vision."
Q: Why can’t you answer our questions with a simple "A", or "B", or "Yes" or "No"?
A: "No." (Pause, laughter) "But I will say that you are a powerful purveyor of the tools of the ether. You have a great spire of Triexium and Aluminum, and many cower within the sound of your voice."
Q: What team will win the World Series next year?
A: "Many have asked this question. It would be against my sacred pledge to divulge a truth known to me that would cause many to profit. Let me assure you that I know, and I have placed said answer in an envelope to be kept in a vault at Price-Waterhouse. If I am wrong, may dung fertilize my new Berber carpet. But I am not smelling that conclusion."
Q: Next year, I plan to be at the very top of all DX-ers. I plan to lead expeditions to five important DX locations, to be sought-after as a list master and peacekeeper.
A: "You will bounce checks. Your official papers will be stripped from your body. The wrath of the ice god will bend your manhood, and you will dwell forever between hell and Scarborough Reef."(A shudder and cringe shakes the room) "And now, my friends, I must decline the luncheon invitation you are thinking, for I eat not of the swine or the ox, and I receive the vapors of sulfur from Sushi. I do not need to wish you a pleasant journey, for I know that you shall arrive safely, except for a tiny security problem at the airport called ‘O’Hare’."
With that, the Swami moves from his chair, clasping the hands of newly-created believers, quickly disappearing behind the lame’ tapestries. It will be many generations until we fully appreciate the wisdom received this day.
--fin—